I wanted to share a journey that I have taken over the past few days. I warn you it is a dark place called a pit, but how God reached down His hand and lifted me up.
It started on Saturday. I was really low. I had fallen into an all too familiar pit, as Beth Moore would say in her book “Getting Out of the Pit”. I have to admit that at times I have wallowed in that pit for days even months at a time. I don’t always know what triggers it, but I fall into a pit of depression. I was feeling down Saturday. I felt lonely and discouraged. I think I was also a bit envious of all the comments on facebook with people who were looking forward to their summer vacations. They would post about their beach trips, river trips and swimming plans. I on the other hand had no such plans. I was thinking that all I had to look forward to was my boys leaving me in the fall.
I am at a different place than I am used to. For one I have to work during the summer after years of being a stay at home mom, or working in the school system. Second, since Randy is not pastoring right now, accept as an interium pastor, he works all weekend at Sears. My boys are also working. Me and Tanner then find ourselves lost with nothing to do on weekends. I have not made any real friends here to hang with, and my closest friends live so far away. My family lives a 3 hours drive away. There are no places to go swimming, no beach, no river, no creek, not even a pool.
Soooo this past Saturday it all got to me. I fell into a pit of depression. When Randy got home he tried to pull me out, but to no avail. He took me to the movies to see Up and out to eat, but it did not help any. He then takes my mood personally as if it is his fault and that he needs to fix me. Not the right thing to do when I am already low. He does the best he can, but it is only God who can lift my spirits. I realized that I needed to pray. I went to the bathroom at the restaurant and cried out to God. I told Him how I was feeling and asked Him to please step in and lift my spirit and to give me the fruits of the spirit which are love, joy, peace, etc Gal. 5:22 & 23. I also rebuked the enemy who was attacking me. Then I confessed my sins of envy, jealousy, lack of faith and trust, and also my unbelief. I asked God to please encourage me. I know he knows what I need more than I do. I felt a peace at that moment and I felt that I was on the upward climb out of my pit. Praise the Lord.
On Sunday I went to church with Tanner. Randy had to preach. Dustin & Cody went to their churches. I had to sit alone because Tanner sat with the youth. This did not help my mood. I went to our missions backyard Bible club and that was a blessing. I continued to seek the Lord for peace. I read His word and listened to praise music.
I was still a little down on Monday because I work alone and in the basement of my bosses home. This gives me too much down time to think. I kept my KLOVE christian radio going all day. I reflected on the scriptures, and clung to the promise that I am not alone, because God is with me.
Tuesday, I went to Birth Choice where I am a counselor. I had a no show day, which means my clients didn’t show up for their counseling session. That was probably a blessing because I was close to tears all day. I shared a small portion of my discouragement with the ladies there. I told them how I was frustrated that there was no where to swim where we live. I am such a water dog that no water makes me really sad during the summer. Of course the beach is what I am missing the most, since I lived in Florida for 7 years and got used to going whenever I could. Anyways one of the ladies, Pat, said she had a pool and that I was welcome to come over anytime and swim. Praise the Lord. He knows what I need.
On Wednesday after work we had another backyard Bible club at another location. The leader of our group Stephanie invited me to lunch on Thursday. I was so excited, because I have not gone to lunch with a girl friend in a long time. I was thankful that the Lord heard my prayer.
Stay with me because I am almost out of the dark and into the light. I go to lunch with Stephanie and her two year old and 2 week old little girls. We had a great visit. Then I get home and think what now. Iwas debating on calling Pat to go swimming, but lost my nerve. Then she called me and invited me over. I was so excited. Me and Tanner went over for a couple of hours and hung out with Pat and her friend Karen. It was so nice to be in the sun and laying in a pool. I was so excited how God was working in my life in such a short time. When Randy gets home we go and eat mexican with Cody and play a round of disc golf. Randy tells me he can get off work for a few days and that we can go to the beach. Is God good or what. He is sending me blessing after blessing to encourage me and lift me up out of the pit.
Today, I am so happy to know that God cares about my deepest needs and longings. He knows I need women friends in my life. He knows how I love the water and especially the beach. One of my verses I am memorizing is, “Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Phil. 4:6 That is just what I decided to do, and the reward was great.
I shared this story with you, so if you find yourself in your own pit that you could see an example of how to get out. Look to God for all your needs. Tell Him how you feel, he knows anyway. Cling to His promises in the scriptures. Follow Phil 4:8 it tells us what to think on…things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, etc. Remember how much he loves you and wants to give you good things. Christian music is a great way help you focus on God. He is the lifter of your head. He is holding out His hand to you…just grab it and let Him lift you up.
Psalm 71:20-21 (New Living Translation)
20 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
21 You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again.