I have had so much going on lately that I have to stay focused to keep from being sucked under. I love to be busy don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it seems everything piles up at once. Last week I helped work the Birth Choice Banquet. This week I am decorating a table for our “Splash of Joy” women’s conference at church. When the women’s director asked me to decorate a table I laughed and said “NO”. I told her this is not my field of expertise. She said, it doesn’t have be fancy it can be really simple. Yeah, right! There are some wealthy ladies in our church who thrive on competition in this area. They like to one up each other. I told her if I could find someone to help me I would do it. I called my friend Amanda and asked if she could help me. I don’t even have matching plates, cups, or anything nice around the house to decorate, but I knew Amanda did. She was willing to help. So, I will just assist her. I can handle that. There was a time that I would not have been intimidated by such a request, but the older I get the harder it is to feel good enough. I am always willing to help, but I don’t always want to take a lead role. I know this sounds crazy when as a pastors wife I had to lead or things wouldn’t get done. Lately, I am content to stand in the shadows and help someone else. I was fine just showing up and helping at Mission Jackson until I was asked to take over and be the coordinator for our section so the leader could start another backyard Bible club in another housing project. I am glad to do it, but it adds more stress to my life. I know longer can just show up, now I have to be in charge.
The biggest stressor on me right now is that Dustin is graduating on May 23rd from college. He has his senior piano recital on May 8th and I am expected to host a reception for him. Again, not my comfort zone. I have not got a clue as to what to do. We could have anywhere from 50 to 100 people. I asked Dustin what others have done and he said some do a simple reception with cookies and punch and others do an elaborate reception like a wedding. Sooo what to do??? After that he has his composition recital and then in two weeks he graduates and I am not sure what to do for that either. We will have family coming in for both events and staying at the house.
Randy finally was back in the pulpit last Sunday for the first time in 18 months. That too brought back a rush of emotions and uncertainties. He will be preaching for the next two weeks as well. I want to be willing to go wherever God leads, but it scares me sometimes as to what that will be. Especially when Dustin and Cody will not be with us.
Cody just signed his lease for his apartment in Kentucky. He registered for classes and has everything set to transfer. I am not thrilled about him leaving the safe enviroment of Union to go to a secular school and study Psychology. It is hard to step back and let your kids make their own decisions even if they are 20. He is still my baby.
Tanner adds a whole other set of worries to me. I worry about what the future holds for him. He has Beckwith-Weidemann Syndrome, which is a cousin to downs. he has high hopes and dreams of becoming a truck driver for Jesus. He wants to take Bibles to truck stops and give them out. He is such a blessing. He was recently in the newspaper for the photo of the day. A photographer followed him and his dad around as they played disc golf taking their picture and one of Tanner made the front page of the locals.
We stayed with my mom for Randy to preach. I got a chance to see my nieces play softball, after the game we took my mom to the ER because she was complaining with chest pains and not feeling well. The ER kicked into gear and checked her over good. They didn’t find anything going on with her heart, which was good. My sister, mama and I then went to eat and went to my nephews ball game. On Sunday the whole family came to mom’s for Sunday dinner. My parents are not really old they are only 60 and 61 but they have both had a lot of major health problems. Mom has too many to mention including open heart surgery, diabetes, thyroid, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, to name a few. Dad came close to dying last year with cancer. I see what their lives are like now and want to try to keep from following in their steps. I want to get healthy and eat right and get the right amount of exercise. This is a big issue for me. I was always the skinny girl and now I am far from that. I am overwhelmed with how to get back to a healthy weight. I saw some people from high school while I was home and I was embarrassed by my weight gain. I was a size 3 when I married and in the past 10 years I have gained sooo much weight.
I know I am rambling, but I needed to get some of this stress off my back. The only thing that has kept me afloat is God’s promises. I cling to his promises that he is my stonghold and ever present help in time of need., that he will never leave me or forsake me. He promises to uphold me with His righteous right hand. When my mind starts to focus on my tasks for the day or the evil of the day I combat those thoughts with the Word of God and His peace washes over me. Thank you father for your presence in my life. Help me to keep my eyes focused on you. Give me strength and courage for whatever I face today. May I never grow tired of doing good. Fill me with your love to overflowing that I can share it with others.
Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the task, for the Lord God, my God is with you. 1 Chronicles 28:20 (NIV)
Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Phil. 4:6 (NLT)